Thursday, February 5

Good lord. Good lord. I'm as fucked up as it can get.

How can it end like this? So suddenly. So out of the blue.

I'm hurt. I'm worse than hurt.

How can anyone I love hurt me this bad? How is it even possible? Apparently, it is possible.

But it's not his fault as well. Things just happen. We let things drag out, & now, nothing can be salvaged.

But why do I have to be like this? This pathetic wimp who can do nothing but cry?

Reason is: I still feel the same about him.

Good lord.

I'm dying. Every part of me is dying.

I can't sleep. I can't sleep.

God. Why?

It's so ironic.

10th time, strike out.

I've had enough of reassurances. They do nothing.

I'm tired of things like this. I'm worn out. I'm drained.

But that doesn't change anything about how I feel. I don't feel rage or hate. I just feel hurt. Absurd. Foolish. Silly. Silly for giving so much. Silly for taking down my defenses. Silly for thinking that this time would be different from any other time.

God. I'll hate myself in the morning, but I'll have to...

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