Monday, August 29

I'm sorry. I screwed up. There's nothing else I can say but sorry.

I know I have disappointed you. You could have just walked away from it all but you didn't. I'm grateful for that.

I'm sorry for coming across like that. I honestly had no intention to. It didn't seem so serious then. At that point of time when I was typing it, I honestly didnt think so much about it. I guess it seems wrong now.

I know, whatever I say now is pointless. Useless. You saw it for yourself. & that impression of what I actually am has gotten across to you.

I don't know what to say now. Saying sorry just doesn't seem to suffice anymore. You don't seem to want to hear that. It's not good enough to redeem myself.

It hurts me so much when I saw that look of disbelief on your face. When you flung my hand away and said ever so coldly, 'Don't touch me.' It hurts.

I know all you wanted to do was to pick up your bag & leave. But you mustered enough strength to at least have dinner. Put on a front for my sake. You also managed to bring me to the doctor even though you wanted to leave so bad. Wanted to be away from me.

& I'm grateful you came back for me in the end. I could have died. At the lift lobby. I would have if yesterday ended with you walking away from us. I honestly would have. I've never thrown away all my dignity like that before. Sobbing, pleading, begging. I have never begged anyone before. But I begged. I begged you not to just walk away. Give us a thought. I would have knelt if that would helped. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't explain. All I could do was tremble & cry & begged you not to walk away.

I'm sorry. I've disappointed you time and again. This is just not acceptable. I'm not good at this. Not at all. But I'm going to try. I don't want to risk it again. I came too close to losing everything we had yesterday. Even if there's no reason for you to believe me again, I ask nothing but for you to trust me on this. Just this once.

Once again, I'm sorry.

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