Wednesday, September 13

This is the thing I hate you doing the most. & you have promised me not to say such stuff again after you've upsetted me the last time you did.

& here you are, harping on my history. Everyone has a history. But a history is, as the name suggests, a history.

If you don't notice by now, I don't like talking about it. I'm not particularly proud of it, & I don't wish to keep throwing it in your face. But you persist, & you ask. You just have a thirst to know everything. & I'm on 2 losing situations. You ask, & if I don't answer, you get upset, say I'm hiding things from you. When I reply, you get upset with what you hear. I can't win both ways at all.

& you started it with a casual question which I suspected would lead to something more, something like this. Which is WHY I was reluctant to answer, but you assured me that it was nothing, just a curious question. & I answered you, which led to another question, & another question, & another question. Which led to this situation I was trying to avoid.

You knew my history when you met me. I was comfortable enough with you to tell you everything. & here you are, already so involved with each other, & yet you keep wanting to bring the bad stuff up & being upset at things which are already in the past. Honestly, if you minded so much, why get together? When we got together, it means that you were ready to accept me as me. You shouldn't keep bringing up my flaws & interrogating me till we're both equally upset.

I'm just so sick of being taken on such wild rollercoaster rides. You know, happy one moment (I had a good day because you were incredibly sweet), & then a whammy the next. I just don't know what I should do, how I should react, how YOU want me to react.

I've always thought that the most important thing is what we have, & not what happened before I met you.

I'm just so sick & tired & upset & godknowswhatelse. I don't know how much more of this emotional interrogation I have to go through. I believe I've been through enough of those, & I don't know whether I can handle this sudden turnabout of events where you just feel like knowing more, yet you're getting upset at the same time. I don't know whether the next time round, I'll snap at the tiniest indication of such a situation.

I'm drained & emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I feel like you could learn to appreciate me just that little more.

I just don't feel like talking. I think I'll just head to bed & sleep it off.

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