Sunday, January 6

Something significant happened in 2007, which I almost forgot.

I bumped into him on Christmas Eve. I was with my baby, walking from The Cathay to Plaza Singapura using the well-beaten path, & these 2 guys were heading towards us.

One of them kind of looked familiar.

It took a long while to register in my mind who it was. & when it finally hit me, I waited for the funny feeling.

You know, for YEARS, I've been dreaming of the day I would bump into him on the streets. For years & years, since I last saw him on Christmas 2000 or 2001 (in a very awkward situation, as I clammed up & refused to speak to him & had to excuse myself coz' I was about to burst into tears), I kept having dreams/nightmares of bumping into him on the streets. The dreams always ended with me running away & crying in the toilet. They always portrayed me as a lumpy, pathetic mess who can't face him without turning into a wreck. Which could be explanable since he did turn me into a wreck for a while.

So. Back to that fateful day. He squinted as if he couldn't recognise me. Gave a little wave. & as we passed, I smiled & gave a wave too.

& yes, it was awkward.

But it was odd. We passed right by.

& there was nothing.

My mind didn't go blank. My heart didn't skip. My stomach didn't do funny somersaults. No lump in my throat. My eyes stayed as dry as a...well, dry well. (HAHAHAHA!)

& although baby was a little wee bit upset about bumping into him, I was happy. In fact, I became noticeably cheerful right after that encounter.

Baby probably didn't understand why. He probably wouldn't.

But to me, it's very significant.

I faced the biggest demon of my past, & I won.

I had a sneaking suspicion a couple of years back that everything back then means nothing now. But with this encounter, it just solidifies my suspicion. It's concrete evidence. No more buts.

All those mad years mean nothing to me now. Those 5 years of nonsense I went through. They mean absolutely nothing. They're but distant memories of me losing myself over someone undeserving.

& I not only exorcised this demon of the past, I feel much free-er. Free from the ball & chain that was tied to my ankle.

& I'm proud to say:

I am officially over you.


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