Tuesday, June 8

I'm terribly sorry to you guys about it all.

I have my own way, while you have yours. It's not the best way, but it's my way.

Anyway, I'm over that. Some stuff just triggered memories. Unwanted memories. So I've decided to shut everything out. Push them all to one side. Try not to come within a 1 foot radius of them nostalgia inducing stuff.

Understand me when I told you 'It's always the same'. Because I have honestly heard it all before. I may have unintentionally punctured a hole in your sincerity, but someone else told me the exact same thing in exactly the same words as you did, & betrayed everything I had put into what I thought we had. 'I want to help you but you're not helping yourself'. I HAVE heard it before. Understand me. I'm just sorry.

& no one, no one will ever break down my wall. Not again. Not never. The wall I build up after every mishap. I learn things the hard way. But why it that I still never ever truly learn my lesson?

I would allow the wall to be chipped away, & broken down within a short period of time, only to be left with the painful task of putting it up again. Over & over again. So how many times do I have to be jinxed before I finally understand? I know I'm drawing a line between myself & everybody else. But that's only to protect myself.

(Sam Toh, I've sent you an e-mail. Are you encouraging me to smoke joints by the way?!)

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