Sunday, March 6

I'm sorry to have hurt you so deeply, darling.

I never wanted to. I wasn't keeping anything from you, just feelings. Feelings you needn't know. But you found out due to my own stupidity.

I'm so sorry. I can't even explain to you how sorry I am.

I could only watch in helplessness & cry.

& when you, for the first time doubted how I feel for you, I couldn't believe it. I deserve it. I could only hear pounding in my ears. My head swirled. I couldn't believe that all that I had worked so hard for the last few months, all shattered because of memories I can't let go of.

I didn't know what to say. I was stunned. I couldn't believe that you doubted my love for you. & all I could do was cling on to you & sob. It hurts so bad.

I caught your tears. & my heart broke. I have never seen you tear before. & it hurts so bad to see you looking at me with such hopeless disappointment, & to see those tears that fell from your beautiful eyes. You tried to hide your tears from me but I saw them anyway. I saw them drip onto the chair. Mingled with mine. I'm so sorry. I honestly never meant to hurt you so much. It's all my fault. It's my fault for being such an idiot.

If you want to doubt anything, you can coz' I deserve it. But you can't doubt my love for you. I never lied for once when I said that I love you. You mean the whole world to me & it'll kill me if you don't trust me on that. I love you so much. I'm sorry darling.

I'm watching you lying on my bed, & I'm watching you with a heavy heart. I'm watching your peaceful face now etched with worry. Your eyes are closed but I know you're not sleeping. The noise of the TV in the living room seems so far away. So surreal. It hurts me so bad. I feel like I'm being pushed away. You're still lying there with your eyes closed, looking so beautiful. I miss you so much. Please come back.

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