(Picture's colour is slightly off but because it turned out dark & I had to brighten it)
Tell me that all 10 of us are fugly. Because we were passed over for 'models'. 'Models' turned out pretty average looking (we witnessed it today), or maybe even slightly lower than us. I'm not being cocky or anything here but look at the above picture again. Look closely at the girl 2nd from left. You dare tell me she's not pretty? She's tall, leggy & very very pretty. & she got passed over for short, slightly plump and bespectacled girls? I'm not phsyically discriminating now. But I am peeved because we WERE physically discriminated. Why? Because we ain't model-like. Because we ain't stick-thin, we ain't got no sharp features & we just ain't good enough. THAT my dear, is physical discrimination.
SO UP YOURS! Heh. So I may not have mentioned names but I guess the pictures are going to be as clear as day which company I'm talking about.
This is us looking ridiculously happy because we ain't worthy, & if we ain't worthy, they ain't worthy of our emotions. So we don't care.
Yep. A little ranting done.
& about today. Today didn't go too fab as well. How would you feel when someone you care so deeply about says hurtful things to you? Words so hurtful you can practically feel them slicing through your heart?
I yelled. Yeah, I yelled. I was mad, hurt, upset, disappointed. Maybe he didn't mean it. Maybe it was merely a passing remark. A joke, even. But it was very hurtful. Very, indeed. & yes, I yelled.
Maybe I'm wrong in raising my voice at you. But then, it was instinctive. It was more like this defense stance I took on because what you said hurt me. It was harsh, accusing & offensive. & I immediately went into defensive mode. I'm sorry for yelling at you. But it was really just an instinctive response.
I'm sick of the fights we've been having lately. We can't seem to agree on anything. Are we so different?
But whatever it is, I care about you. So much. & I do love you. More than you ever realised. & I don't want us to be torn apart by differences. I'm willing to compromise, to accomodate your beliefs. Just because I love you. I want to change for you.
However, I don't want to go through such a drastic change that I forget who I am, what I am. You fell in love with the real me.
Perhaps, you realised that you could accept all that initially but not anymore. Not when we are this serious. Not when we do want to settle down with each other.
& I am trying my darn hardest to compromise. To be what you'd like me to be.
But I need time. You can't except me to throw away my own identity overnight. I need time to adopt new behaviours, to discard old habits.
I'm tired & weary, but I want us to work out. I truly do.